severedmind's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ramble on my friend As of right now things are just fucked up I cant think straight anymore its like my life has been sucked away into a forbidden place a place I dont want to be but cant help but be there. Ive been so damn depressed lately and I dont understand it. I dont understand myself. I dont know how I can sit here and give other people advice that I dont even listen to. Im worthless I will never do anything with my life. Its all a waste. I miss my friends in nc if only they knew how I felt then maybe they could put themselves in my position. I care about them more than they will ever know or feel. I miss my mom she is one hell of a lady I wish she lived closer. I miss a lot of things I dont want to be 19 thursday I dont feel 19. I never had a childhood why does life go by so fast? why must I grow up and do things that Im not ready for. Im not ready for life. I need some stronger medicine. I want to cut again and Im doing good I havent cut in a long ass time but im so stressed,so overwhelmed by everything in this world I need to release some rage some emotion an expression of how I feel. Im confused in life in the middle of the night. I think to much. Im too paranoid. I stress too damn much. I cant figure myself out. I want to do something but dont know how. I dont know if I want a job. I dont know what I really want to go to college for. What if I dont make it in college? what If I turn out to be a loser. Not that im not a loser now. I want to talk to my poodle. I miss her. shes my partner in crime. I need a poodle talk. I need her here to cry on her shoulder. Help me figure myself out. she knows me better than anyone. I hope she still thinks of me as her bestfriend. I missed her call last night dammit. I was sleeping. Sleeping away my life. I gotta get up early in the morning. Gotta clean someones house. Then Im going shoppin. Im bored. I Think my life is hell. 10:54 p.m. - 2004-09-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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