severedmind's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Neverending Circle Hatebreed-Judge Me My Life Is a tape that has been recorded and played over and over! Everything in my life has gone to hell! I dont know whats going on anymore Ive gotten to the point once again where I dont want to be here Im so tired of doing the same shit over and over each and every fucking day. It gets so tiring doing nothing its pretty bad when you can predict what your going to do the next day and know for sure that is exactly what is going to happen. I havent seen zack since last tuesday so I dont know what the hell is going on with that boy, the last time I talked to him was when he called me wendsday at like 1 in the morning and that was last week Im so tired of having to wait for someone to call me and be like wanna do something and I hate calling people and they are never home and when you leave a message they never call you back thats some shit within itself. I dont know what the hell to do anymore I have no one absolutely no one I cant talk to my mom cause she never listens I havent talked to my best friend in god knows how long I dont have long distance anymore because of scott he got rid of it cause the bill was too high well if I had shit to do I wouldnt be running up the phone bill I was supposed to go get my license this week but no that didnt happen either. I was told once again that we would do it next week why should I always have to fucking wait for shit and be the last person to get shit done everyone thinks its my fault I didnt finish school or that I dont have my license. Its NOT MY FUCKING FAULT! I have to work around other peoples schedules and then they bitch cause I dont have a job well hello how the hell am I supposed to get back in forth ingnorant assholes. My grandma got here last saturday and shes bored as well my mom spends more time working and stuck up scotts ass to have time to breath let alone do anything with us dont get me wrong I love scott but goddamn take a break once in a while. Scott made the manager training program so he has to work like 12 hours everyday he will be managing his own store in 14 weeks I just hope we dont have to move again which wouldnt be bad but I dont wanna go through that shit again. As soon as scott starts working at his own store my mom doesnt have to work anymore cause he will bringing in enough money to pay for everything and still have some left. My mom has to have 4 surgeries which is gettin crazy they found two cysts in her breast which is not good she has to have tubes put in her ears or she will be deaf in a month, she fucked up her knee again, and plus they wanna break her jaw because its positioning is not good and its affecting her ears just more good news for me to have to deal with lets just all get a rally together and shoot my ass and please give me a proper burial because I have been through some shit and it never ends. I have a lousy 25 fucking dollars to my name for babysittin my brother and sister for two weeks they could have atleast gave me more but they also bought me a carton of newports well my grandma did they have to pay her back. I dont know why the hell I am feeling like this today shit I took my paxil. I got baked monday with my brother at his friends house which was cool because I needed to relieve some stress I swear if shit doesnt change Im going to go downhill Im tired of fucking having to write down how I feel on a lousy lame ass computer program but if I dont Im going to go fucking pyscho. I have to go to counseling tomorrow joy of my life about the only time I get out of the house and then I just end up in a fucking room with someone else and vent how wonderful how about NO! goddammit all I wanna do is beat the shit out of someone at this point I dont even think it matters who but im so tired of everything I just wanna die and get this shit over with I havent heard from no one in over a month no one calls or writes its like they erased me from their minds what the hell man I dont know what to do anymore all I know is that I might not be here much longer people may think I dont have problems well I do. I hate myself everyday I look in the mirror and the image just seems to fade faster and faster everyday I hate the way I have no friends here and they way my life is I hate everything right now its pitiful this is not some sick joke im for real. But guess what fuck this program I dont wanna type anymore its irritating the shit out of me so Im gone...maybe this time it will be forever! 4:45 p.m. - 2004-04-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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