severedmind's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need to ESCAPE! Cadillac on 22's-David Banner Theres so much shit on my mind right now I just need to escape. Escape from My mind escape from myself and be someone else for a day Im so tired of thinking its driving me insane. This weekend sucked the only thing I had to do all weekend was think and if you put me in a house with nothing to do but think there is definetly going to be some problems. I was supposed to go and do something friday but plans didnt fall through saturday I was supposed to go to the movies with amanda but those didnt fall through either I just want to scream and get rid of all this pain and hurt thats inside of me I dont know why I just dont let it out its just so damn hard. Last night I got into an argument with my mom and brother I swear I cant stand to argue with people I just want to be happy, I dont want the arguing or the fighting I just want happiness. Is that so much to ask for its like every time I find the slightest bit of happiness something happens and takes it away. I dont know if its me or the people that surround me I just wish I had control of my life and could make myself happy. But I dont so thats another thing. Saturday night I ended up going down the road and hanging out with jason not my first choice by all means but I needed to escape from this place for a while. Well I ended up gettin stoned after three months I dont know why I did it considering Im trying to get a job it was just there and it was offered to me so I didnt pass it up. Then I came home and ended up drinking sour apple snapps till I passed out in my bed listenin to bone thugs. thats the only thing that makes me escape from thinking and I dont like having to resort to that just to stop my dumb ass from thinking I have stressed so much this last week that I have no appetite I cant eat and when I try to do the slightest sight of food makes me sick to my stomach things are not going good for me whatsoever. On another note I get my license on wendsday and then I take the ged test the 27th so thats something to look forward to but I could care less its just something Im trying to do so I dont have to hear anyones mouth about me doing absolutely nothing with my life. If I had my choice I wouldnt be here at all no Im not saying That I am going to kill myself Im just sayin I wouldnt be here in this house and Im sure that when I get a license my mom and scott will be stupid and not let me use the truck or car to go anywhere. I dont know what it is with them but they have their days where their nice and then they have their days where they suck. I just hope that there is better times in my future because I cannot keep sittin in this house doing absolutely nothing because that is the case what the hell is going to happen. but Im ending this journal entry for now Ill continue to update when Im in the mood I havent been on the internet that much as of late but till next time! 9:16 a.m. - 2004-03-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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