severedmind's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bitching session..... Swift-Titanic Today has been a long boring ass day. It started off at like 7 something I had to get up and go with my mom to do laundry so I spent most of my morning doing laundry well until 2 which is most of the day then I had to go with her to her doctors appointment and we ended up arguing about my life and the way it was going and how I dont want a job and thats why I am not doing anything to get one. which is complete bullshit cause I have been trying to get one but no matter what I do nothing ever goes right for me I feel like a complete loser and that I will never amount to anything in this life. Everytime things start to go good something comes along to fuck it up. I am just so tired of this shit its driving me crazy. Everything was perfect in North Carolina I was going to school passing all my classes actually gettin somewhere in my life I had a job well for a while till the bastards tried to pull a good one on me. I had all my friends there for love and support and then they moved me all the way out in bum fucked egypt and I cant acomplish a goddamn thing. I have no friends well I did but when it came down to it I found out that the friends that I thought were my friends actually werent so I am screwed. I go nowhere I stay at home and do nothing its so frustrating considering that I never used to be home I was always gone or there was always people at my house. I always had something to do whether it be going to see swift or going to the movies just random stuff like going to books a million to look at sex books no matter what it was always fun and thats something I dont have here. Sometimes I dont know why I have to go through this shit and why I was moved here its just puzzling to me. Im so afraid of not being able to go back to NC this summer I want to go back so bad its not funny I have everything there that I want, "everything" well anywho onto the rest of the day. later on after my mother and I got into it she eventually apoligized well when I came home I called about a job that I applied for and guess what they have already hired everyone they are going to hire for the season what kind of bullshit is that? Then my mom tells me well you dont have to work you can just watch your brother and sister and I'll buy you things how the hell is that going to help me? its not going to help be a damn bit and I told her that I wasnt trying to be mean but the fact is I have to save up money to move back and her buying me things dont help with me saving up to move back. I havent been in the greatest mood as you can see there is a lot of shit going on in my mind its just way confusing. Theres a lot of shit going on back home that I wish I could be there for. My best friend needs me and I am not there to help her the only thing I can do is help her out on the internet it sucks were partners in crime and Im 2,700 miles away. Theres many aspects of my life I am having problems with I think its every aspect! boys, friends, jobs, every damn aspect its so stressful to have to put up with this shit and it seems like no one knows what the hell I am talking about most of the time. There just like It will be ok just think of good thoughts what the hell I cant think of candy drops and rainbows all the damn time. As much as I Love rainbows and candy drops I cant be like that all the time I have my days. Another thing that is gettin to me is how someone acts like there your friend but then as soon as you leave school they want nothing to do with you anymore its bullshit if it wasnt for me that certain friend wouldnt have her boyfriend which might be wrong for me to say but goddammit I think sometimes I do too much for people and I let them walk all over me and I am just fed up with it. Thats one of the reasons I dont have a lot of friends that are girls cause as soon as they get a boyfriend your friendship goes to hell or as soon as you turn your back they talk shit I am tired of running into people like that. So that's one of the reasons I choose my friends wisely. On to other news this weekend is going to suck because my sister is going to have her birthday sleepover thing and have all her freshmen friends over and they will find a way to drive me crazy I like to know what my mom did for my birthday not a damn thing cause wait I dont have no friends here and last year she didnt do shit either. This journal has basically turned into a read me bitch page. I have so much shit to bitch about but not enough shit to be happy about. On a lighter note I like this guy but I am not sure if the feelings are mutual its hard to tell and with the way my relationships have worked in the past who knows what is going to happen but hopefully all will go well I will not mention his name in here because I prefer to keep that to myself. I find it better to keep stuff like this to myself that way you dont have everyone in your business. But I guess I shall be going now I have had plenty of time to bitch so until the next bitching session have a great life just maybe next time I wont have a lot to bitch about laterz 9:04 p.m. - 2003-11-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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