severedmind's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I AM MY WORST ENEMY Marilyn Manson-The New Shit Today started off as a good day but is ending in a shitty way. Drama something I hate so much that it eats me alive. I have my days where I want to be in this dreadful world but then my days when I wish I could be erased from this damn place they call earth. I still cant explain why I feel this way or what its caused from. So far this week is turning out like shit. Monday- was an alright day I had to go to counseling at 3 but I ended up leaving my house at 2 because of the fact that I live in BFE and thats when the Transerv people came to get me if You dont know what Transerv is its this company that picks you up for your appointments and takes you there and then brings you home. I ended up going to counseling fucked up off of my ass on vics it was horrible considering that I couldnt answer any of the lady's questions I just told her I was tired and we ended up talking about jack off jill and Operation Ivy and static-x how wonderful you go to counseling to talk about your problems and end up talking about bands oh well I felt ok by the time I got out of that place. Then I came home and went and got some pizza my day was so "GReat" how about Not! Tuesday-Was my sisters birthday and so I went with my mom to the store and got her a cd to go with her new cd player and ended up getting a cd for myself as well. I got the new Thursday cd some people might not like them but as long as I like them thats all that matters. Then my mom and I went and got some lunch from wendy's and went to my sisters school and ate lunch with her yes, High school I went back to High school to eat lunch with my sister and got hit on by a 16 year old one of my sisters friends. Afterwards we went home and cooked dinner cleaned and made my sisters birthday cake. It was just another day in my life. It was also my friend mitchells birthday which I find really cool cause he has the same bday as my sister so I can never forget his. so that leaves me at today. Wendsday(Today) I didnt do much today but lay around I wansnt in the best mood today it started out ok but now its fucking horrible I just want to be erased from this place but then when I think about I love my friends to much to leave them right now but if it wasnt for them I would be gone. I had to get up at 6 this morning and drive my sister and brother to the bus stop and I thought I was going to come back home and go back to sleep well that didnt happen I had to help my mom around the house and stuff which doesnt bother me all that much cause lately my mom and I have gotten really close everything was ok until my moms boyfriend came home they started arguing and they got in this argument and he told her that if she didnt like it she could get the fuck out I just wish we would have never moved to this goddamn horrible place I hate it here I have no one, no friends, nothing. all my friends are back home and I hate it Hate it more than anything in this life. I just wish I had somewhere to escape when I wanted to get the hell out of this place. I hate that my mom puts up with the bullshit that she goes through and I hate it when she puts her self down and threatens to kill herself even though I have done it and tried to commit suicide I hurts when she says things like that. I wish that my life was different I always wonder if I could have done things differently to make it different now but I couldnt have there was never a possible way. I feel like I am alone in this big ass fucking miserable place and Once again I hate it with a passion. Now my mom and her boyfriend are going to vegas tomorrow and wont be home till sunday So I get stuck with my brother and sister once again I get to be the public babysitter and Do I get anything out of it No NOt a damn thing I cant stand being at home by myself with nothing to do I hate myself. I dont know what to do anymore I just wish I had help but I have given up, given up on everything I will never achieve to be anything but a loser I am NOTHING Ill never Be NOTHING I AM MY WORST ENEMY. 7:38 p.m. - 2003-11-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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